Saturday, April 21, 2012

Picking Up Strays

"There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! 
Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter."

Stacy moved in.  She seemed like the perfect roommate at first:  Her work schedule kept her out of the house when I was at home most of the time, and her rent checks didn't bounce.  While she was around we got to know each other pretty well.  We'd hang out, drink, play video games, talk about everything.  She came to view Leah and I almost as surrogate parents.  I honestly think that our house was the closest thing to a stable environment Stacy had ever been in.

That lasted for all of a month, maybe not even that long.  During that time she quit her jobs in Mandeville, moved in completely and started staying in New Orleans full time, and then she lost the job as a "shot girl" and became a stripper for a few weeks.  I still kick myself for not going to see her at work before she quit. (Hot as hell, even if she does consider me a father figure).  And then she met Liam.  Fuck Liam, fuck everything about him, from his pale skin and "emo" hair, to his inability to ever say ANYTHING that is true.  I hated him from the moment she brought the little turd into my house.  This was partly due to the fact that he made her quit stripping and get a job as a bartender at one of the daiquiri places.  Bastard.

Very shortly after Stacy and Liam start dating, Leah and I started to notice that he was ALWAYS there.  After about 2 weeks we finally get a chance to talk to Stacy alone, and found out that the fucking moron had been kicked out of his apartment by his old roommates, and that he had nowhere to go.  Stacy told us that the 2 of them were looking for a place and that they would likely be moving in a few weeks, when the month ended.

At this point Leah and I cared a lot about Stacy.  She came to us for advice, we encouraged her to get into college, and get her life organized.  When Liam walked into the picture, suddenly all of that stopped.  We knew that he was no good for her, and that this wasn't going to end well.  Unfortunately, we also knew that she was "IN LOVE" with him, and would follow him anywhere despite how much it potentially screwed up her life.  People get seriously fucking retarded over love sometimes.  So, Leah and I decide to allow them both to share the downstairs room, for an increased share of the rent.  In hindsight, I should have just secured an alibi and run him over with my truck a few times.

Liam moves in and one of the first things he does is to get Stacy a cat.  (Have I mentioned how much I hate this kid?)  I already have 2 dogs, love em to death, but the problem is that in addition to all of the other crap I have to deal with, they flat out refuse to be house-trained and every morning I have to mop up dog shit.... so the last thing I needed was a cat...or 2 roommates who didn't take care of the cat after the first few days.  They pretty much just worked, got high and fucked all of the time.... I had to buy a better set of earplugs.

Now, I only mention the cat because it led to all manner of stupidity.  Leah and Stacy go out and buy this thing what I swear was every god damned toy in PetCo.  With this truck load of small jingly toys, I now wake up in the morning, every morning, to the sound of 2 stoned morons fucking, having to clean up dog shit, and almost killing myself stepping on cat toys...

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